It was Twenty Years Ago Today.....

  It Was Twenty Years Ago Today......

My father died twenty years ago this week. He was in the hospital with a quarter-sized cancer on his lung. We were hoping for a successful chemotherapy treatment, but he had a heart attack before it could begin. So what got him was a combination of  Kent cigarettes and his own hyper-tense personality. He was 62.

I'll never forget how I got the news. My new wife Gigi and I were moving from an apartment to a house we were building. She was pregnant with our second child Ally. Landon our first, was not yet two.

We didn't have that much furniture, so I was doing the move with the help of a guy from a day labor pool.  His name was Dave.

He was stocky, with a 2-day growth, and a mottled complexion that made his face looked bruised. His hair was mid-ear with a shock that drooped over his forehead. He looked around 55, but was probably 40. Dave said he lived in the men's shelter. He complained that the food was fatty or full of sugar.

"They give you anything that's donated. We get a lot of supermarket cakes. They figure it fills us up."

As I was loading our couch onto the back of the truck, Gigi ran up. She was in tears.

"Your father just died! I am so sorry!" And she held me.

I just stood there.

After about a minute or so, I looked at Dave through my tears. This guy was a drunk. Probably a bad one. He was fighting his disease every day. Living on the streets or in a shelter if he stayed sober. I am sure the 50 bucks or whatever I was going to pay him meant a lot, but he looked at me and said, "I understand if you need to not work right now."

I looked at him again.

"No, let's finish." Gigi got into gear preparing to go to comfort my mother, and to be with my brother and sister.

Dave and I drove to the new house in silence for about ten minutes, then he asked, "What did your daddy die of?"

"Cancer from cigarettes. And probably stress," I answered.

Dave nodded. He kept his Kools in his pocket for the rest of the move.

I learned later my father's heavy drinking made the poison from the cigarettes even more virulent. Alcohol and tobacco combine to kill you even faster. From a health standpoint, the difference between my father and Dave was just a matter of degree.

My father was not an easy person to relate to. You couldn't tell him anything. I guess he figured if the Nazis couldn't kill him, neither could Lorillard or R.J. Reynolds. He was wrong.

I miss him though. For years later, every so often I would have a question about a plumbing problem, or a banking mystery, and I would reach for the phone, only to realize he was not there. All old habits are hard to break.

I am sometimes mad at him. He never met Ally, or John. Never saw my first house, or heard me with Sheri, or left my mother with any insurance. We all missed out on a lot. I am very thankful to have had such a wonderful radio career. It has made our lives better.

About a year after he died I was picking up some dinner at a restaurant in Charlotte called Alexander Michaels. While waiting in the bar, I had a beer. A woman I used to work with saw me and came over to ask about my daughters.

"They are so much fun," I replied smiling, as I lit the cigarette between my lips and inhaled the poison.

She stared at me for a moment and said, "Don't you want to see them graduate high school?"

That was the last cigarette I ever smoked. Twenty years ago, next year.

Comments

[Jannine Thorne]

Congratulations, Bob! That is truly an accomplishment. In two months, I will have two years of "smobriety." It doesn't come easy, but it is so worth it, isn't it?

[An Ohio fan]

Wow. What a powerful story. It was good of you to share it. Just like that one comment made a difference to you, perhaps this story will make a difference in someone's life as well.
(Wish you and Sherri would/could blog more often! Both of you are wonderful writers.)

[tim k]

I have been trying to quit smoking for some time.I started the new drug Chantix and have had great results thus far.Well,I cut way back.The nictotine cravings are gone but I still have an oral fixation.

Today I flipped on the radio right after I lit a smoke and when I did Bob mentioned for anyone who smokes to go read is blog.

I pray and believe in God. I believe He works through people. I believed he spoke through you today Bob. Maybe He spoke through that lady at the bar 20 years ago?Maybe God had me in mind then?

Enjoy your day and thanks for giving up cigarettes 20 years ago. If not,I might not have thought to put mine down today.

Regards, Tim

Peace Be With You

[GA FAN! GO DAWGS!]

WOW! What an amazing story! It is amazing how that one sentence has changed your life forever and will change others too I am quite sure! Thanks for sharing such a powerful story! You and Sherri are just awsome!

[tim k]

PS- I am so glad that the caller who fell and lost her sense of taste reminded the listeners that we have nerves in our brains.
:-)

[May]

I am always amazed, all the information on smoking, and yet all the smokers there still are. They COULD get over the addition, but perhaps not the stubbornness.

[Mary Rickaby]

I can relate. I lost my Mother a year ago this month to lung cancer. It has been a very hard, stressful year. My husband has been a smoker for 45 years. I keep begging him to quit, just like I did with my Mom. The best day in my life will be the day he actually quits.

[Oh...That Kati!!!]

Wow Bob...what a story! I have never been a smoker and at 44 years old I don't intend to start now. Even though I work at a convenience store and 60% of our dollar total sales are from cigarettes (yes, that includes gasoline sales) I have always wished that humans would figure out that smoking is nothing but suicide on the installment plan. Even if it meant I would be out of work completely, I would be so grateful if tobacco simply ceased to exsist. I Love the show and do my best not to miss it. All my affection, Kati

[Hope]

My mother died a little over three years ago from a smoking related illness COPD. It was five days before my sons third birthday. I begged and pleaded with her for years to quit, but she never did. The last year of her life was miserable and was hard for me to watch. I spent most that year with a huge knot in my stomach and a sinking heart every time my phone rang after 9 p.m. I hope your blog helps give those trying to quit the inspiration they need.

[Jeanette]

Congrats to you Bob, I am very sorry to hear about your loss ~ I started smoking with a friend in 1978, we swiped a pack of Marborol reds from his mother, I was eight years old. I was so proud of what I had taught myself, it was so cool to smoke in 1978 ~ I had to show my brother this GREAT new thing. That same year my mother found me smoking on the front porch and decided it was better to support the smoking habit than have my brother and I hide it behind her back. Subsequently, she bought ashtrays and started purchasing cartons cigarettes for both my older brother Jimmy and myself. I smoked a pack daily for the next 12 years of my life, I quit in June of 1990 when I found out I was pregnant with my daughter Ashleigh.
Unfortunately, my brother Jimmy who was asthmatic and has an addictive co-dependant personality, smoked from that point forward. His smoking compounded his asthma and was debilitating in conjunction with his abuse of alcohol. His life has been wasted and he is a drain on the system, taking advantage of SSI and free medical programs intended for people in need. His body has been tortured and has slowly deteriorated, he is now a 145 lb, 6’7” shell of a man with zero immune system with no will to live, except for the desire to take just one more drink of Scotch or a drag of another cigarette. On December 23, 2007 Jimmy was admitted to the hospital with life threatening pneumonia, he is 39 years old! After three weeks, he is still on a ventilator, tubes and lines coming off of every limb, out of every orifice on his body and a bedpan he looks like he emerged from a science fiction movie. This should be the prime of his life, yet he is nearing the end. At just 39 years old, what a sad state of affairs.

[John]

Bob,

During the past 14 months, I have commuted daily from Greenville, SC to Rock Hill for work. I am typically pulling onto I-85 about 5 minutes into my 2 hour commute before I switch over to you and Sheri at 6:00 AM. You have made the treacherous two hour morning commute enjoyable. After your pitch of your blog this morning, I had to immediately check out your website. I have to tell you, your remembrance of your dad’s passing hit close to home. I lost my 78 year old dad January 3 after a five year battle with lung cancer. He too was a three pack a day guy for over 40 years. I have smoked a total of about 5 cigarettes during my 46 years. The smell of both parents puffing away in a closed 1961 station wagon on the back roads of Georgia during our annual summer vacation trips to Daytona, was enough for me.

However, on the evening of January 2, my 12 year old son, 17 year old daughter, and I were helping my dad into his newly delivered hospital bed at his home. He was at home but his health had considerably deteriorated over the holidays forcing daily Hospice visits and now the hospital bed. As much as we did not want to consider, the end was near. It was very painful as a son watching him expire. It appeared that every breath was a tortuous exercise. He passed away about 11:00 the next morning.

Watching my children’s faces during this and a very brief conversation on the way home that night, told me that cigarettes didn’t have a chance in their lives.

I am confident that I will think of my dad daily. One of the biggest rewards of his life might be the passive lesson he gave my kids that January 3 night.

God Bless,

John

[Shari]

Hi, Bob.
When I was in high school, my dad's friend's wife died from her husband's cigarette smoke. My dad quit smoking that day. He couldn't see how toxic his drinking was for his family, though, so he was never able to give that up. The liquid built up in his system so much that salt pills and diuretics could not balance it out. He died last year at age 64.

[Michelle]

I think it is wonderful
that you were able to quit.
And I sincerely apolgize about the loss of your father. I myself struggle
with nicotine addiction.
i'm only 33 years of age
and have been smoking now
for 20 yrs. I want SO desperately quitbut I
just don't know how, I have no will power. It bothers me because I have my two wonderful boys 16 and 17 who really want me quit and I just don't know how. Anyway, Bob, I commend you, your Dad would be proud! God Bless

[Teri]

Hi Bob,
What a touching story about your father! Many of the comments were from smokers who want to quit. There is a toll-free Quitline - 1-800-QUIT-NOW - that is a great resource for tobacco users who want to quit. The line is open from 8 am until midnight, 7 days a week. Trained cessation counselors will help callers with a personalized "quit plan" and provide follow-up assistance and support. Please call the number - it's free, and it may save your life!

[Suegirl]

My mother died on Halloween, 1994. Lung cancer. She was 53 years old.

Not only has Halloween been forever ruined, but ALL the holidays that followed are tainted. Without Momma, (aka Gram), every generation in our family has lost its nucleus. Its very center. It's not very funny when you get to the painful & tender core of it & find that she is gone because we were convinced to do a crappy, dirty habit that only TOOK from us - in SO many ways- & GAVE nothing! TOOK Financially, physically, emotionally, & on & on - it took from us.

I quit drinking, drugs, unsafe sex, writing bad checks & bad men! I stopped toxic relationships, eating too much sugar & a job I hated. Yet, an hour ago I.....lit a cigarette.
Am I stupid? Probably. Uninformed? NO. Ignorant. NO. So....what should I do?
Sorry for your loss, Bob. Suegirl

[Natalie]

I lost my mother to lung cancer 18 months ago. She was only 64 years old. She was diagnosed and dead within two weeks. It was by far the most devastating thing that has ever happened to me. She was my best friend and confidante. She started smoking at 15 and never stopped...it is my sincere hope my children (age 3 and 7) never have the desire to smoke...whenever I see someone with a cigarette in his/her mouth, I shrug...do you have any idea what this is doing to you and to those that love you?

[Jessica]

Congrats to you for writing such a nice blog and for quitting smoking. People forget that the things you do dont only affect you. My dad recently told me about the day his father quit smoking. He said they were at the store and all he wanted was a pack of smokes. When the store clerk told him they were now 5 cents more he turned to my dad and asked him if he had 5 cents, my dad didnt. My grandfather said nevermind and left without them. He quit that day because they went up 5 cents. He just had his 80th birthday, he may have bad eyesight now but he's still here.

[Monique]

Bob, That was a great blog. I'm writing because I to have and have had many smokers in my life and I have seen only bad endings.

My step-father was a smoker and drank Miller Genuine Draft "Golden Beauties" as he liked to call them. Well, he started smoking when he was a young kid. He smoked Pall Malls, the nice unfiltered kind. And, unfortunately, so did all of us who was around him. My mother didn't feel it was right to ask him not to smoke in his house, or the apartment we lived in together. I coughed up yucky phlem most days until I moved out and I didn't realize how much I smelled like smoke until I was at my sisters apartment in my later teens. Boy was I excited that I had to live like that through my high school days and not realize that. He died in 1997 at the age of 57.

My fioncees father was a smoker for 50+ years. He is now suffering from COPD and thinking in his mind there should be some magic pill to take and his problems will be taken care of. He is taking so many different medications that he goes through the medicare suppliment within the first six months of the year. And, he has a (convenient) mental block as to how he got the way he is now. Now he sits and reads or sleeps his days away with his oxygen on to help his breathing. It's horrible to be so blunt, but now it is just a waiting game as to when he will die. He is a man who worked hard all of his life and would love to still be out there in the game with the rest of us. But instead he is home mad at the world that he can't go to the mail box without getting out of breath and having to take a break both ways. He turned 70 this past summer and looking forward to his 45 anniversary with his wife. My fioncee and I would like for him to be at our wedding, we'll see!

[Jane]

Oh that must have been painful, losing your Dad. My Dad, who was also a WWII veteran (he was in the Normady invasion), smoked for many years. He was moving me from my college dorm in Omaha NE and had his first chest pains at 56 and died at 64. He too never met my kids, never saw me pass the bar exam and never saw my first house, did not get to walk me down the aisle. He died suddenly and I had to adminster CPR to him. It was my first CPR failure (and unfortunately not my last, I was a nurse at Sloan Kettering's pediatric ward for 7 years) and haunts me to this day. He was a wonderful happy spiritual gentleman. Everyone loved Ed. My boyfriend at the time of my dad's death (who said he fell in love with me when he saw me frantically trying to save my father's life) smoked and I told him at the hospital, you will quit today or we are done. He quit smoking THAT day and has never had another. I guess it is true that only the good die young and my dad is truly in heaven.

[Beth Sizemore]

Bob,

May 11th of this year will be the 18th anniversary of my father's death from lung cancer. Like your father, my father's death was sudden. He died just 6 weeks after his diagnosis. He was only 46. I was 22 at the time and did not truley understand how young 46 is. Now that I am 39 I realize how short his life was.

The fact that you quit smoking shows the strength of your character. Many of my father's friends who smoked continued to do so even after his death. I know of 2 who died from lung cancer and another who stuggles with emphezema. The others have just been lucky.

Thank you for sharing your story. I know it has helped many make the decision to quit.

[Israel Cavazos]

Wow! You killed me with that story Bob. Powerful.

[michael]

Your blog brought a tear to my eye, all I could think about was my own father. He passed away when I was only 18.

What really stood out to me was the angry you sometimes feel for your father. I get that way myself. I'v said the same things. He never got to met my kids. Never got to see how his youngest son turned out. And I believe he would have been very proud.

Well Bob, my father also smoked most of his life. He was still smoking when he died. Smoking wasn't the only factor, but was certainly part.

I smoked as a kid, but gave it up. The story was similar. I worked a restaurant with many other smokers. We'd step out back for breaks in groups. One evening a bartender made a comment that stuck with me. I would take a drag and spit..... the bartender said to me "you must not like to taste of that"....

Hmmm, I thought. No, I guess i don't.
That was the last one I had.

Great Blog Bob.... keep it up.

[diane]

What a moving and well-written post. Thanks, Bob. x

[RUth]

Thanks so much for this story, Bob. I have printed it to give my son-in-law praying that it will spur him to stop smoking so he can see his son (my grandson-age 10)graduate!!

[RUth]

Thanks so much for this story, Bob. I have printed it to give my son-in-law praying that it will spur him to stop smoking so he can see his son (my grandson-age 10)graduate!!