I have been on the road a little bit this summer, and recently visited two of my favorite cities, Minneapolis and New York.
Sheri and I went to Minneapolis for a mid-west radio convention called the Conclave. I love hanging out with radio guys because you know you are never underdressed. A radio guy will walk into a fancy dinner in a chandelier-lit ball room wearing cargo shorts and a Big Johnson t-shirt he slept in the night before. This same guy will be the first to ask at a seminar,”Why is it management doesn’t take me seriously?” It’s because you look like you run the Tilt-A-Whirl for Col. Fuzz’s Freak Show you knucklehead.
That said, some of the seminars were great, especially the one Sheri led on building a solid morning show. She was very funny as the M.C., and had many insightful things to say about our wonderful business. I overheard several people complain that she didn’t talk about me enough, but you know how petty some people can be.
Another seminar featured a fairly popular talk show host who is mostly known for being a pompous blowhard. He regaled us with his many radio exploits, including one where he played a trick on his audience by telling them he was going to throw cats out of a helicopter. Oh how the local animal lovers went nuts. He said the news and protesters showed up to cover and protest this event, and then at the last minute he told them it was all a trick! HA! HA! HA! on you audience! Stupid audience! Sheri and I didn’t know that pissing off the audience was a way to get more popular, and because he makes a lot more money than we do, we are taking a page from this great broadcaster’s book. Next month we are going to sneak-up on squirrels all over town and set their tails on fire!
Guess who I met at The Conclave….Bob Eubanks from the Newlywed Game! Wow! I remember watching him when I was a teen-ager! He was hawking a radio version of the old game show and speaking at a seminar. At one of the big parties someone walked Bob over to meet me, and it was so much fun to talk to him. Sure it was a real cheesy show, but the guy is a game show legend. We talked about how great the name Bob is, and I mentioned that even though I have five kids with two women, none of my kids is named Bob. Bob Eubanks nodded and said, “I know what you mean; my new wife and I have a three-year-old.” Bob is somewhere around seventy. When he told me he had a baby I thought of him doing the Newlywed Game.
“Couples, what word comes to mind when you hear about a seventy-year-old man having babies?”
Couple number one…..”Pathetic?”
Couple numbers two…..”Tired?”
Couple numbers three….”Awesome?”
“That’s right couple number three! It is awesome to have babies at seventy! You won a cheap washer and dryer to wash those nasty diapers in once you join me in parenthood!”
I thought Bob looked great, and I was really glad to meet him.
On my off time I ran by the Mississippi River, admired the restored mills, marveled at the city park with the sculpture gardens, saw The Mary Tyler Moore statue (her show was supposed to take place in Minneapolis), and took a light-rail train to the Mall of America. The Mall has everything your mall has times ten. The MOA even has an indoor amusement park complete with a giant roller coaster so you can throw up two times. Once on the coaster, and once at the wall pictures at Abercrombie and Fitch.
I love Minneapolis and I hope if you have never been there that you go sometime. The shopping at the mall and downtown is great, the Twins play, and the restaurants are terrific, unless you go to the Italian chain like we did. I still have heartburn.
Next time I will tell you about my trip to N.Y.C. The Mall of the World.
Bob....glad your jaunts have been fun this summer. I for one spent time in St. Paul and Minneapolis several years ago...in Febraury....at -18..and a really trashy gay bar called THE GAY 90's..(don't ask!!) ..My memories are not fond and since I am never ever going back....I will have to live vicariously through you on this one.
Posted by: Maclean White | July 27, 2007 at 12:34 PM
Your writing is so witty it's just a pleasure to read! (Thoughts of writing a book yourself?) Glad to hear you've had some fun this summer. Is the MoA just overwhelming? I cringe at the thought of going to the local mall. lol But MoA is one of those place, if you're in the vicinity, you just have to go to. Thanks for sharing your thoughts with us and enjoy the rest of the summer.
Posted by: sandra | August 01, 2007 at 09:38 AM
Wow look at that city now.As a teen Mary Tyler Moore was my hero.I'm glad to hear she is recognized in that city.
Posted by: Karen Austin | August 04, 2007 at 10:56 AM
I really like reading your blog. Sandra is right. You are a pleasure to read because your writing has smooth, effortless humor. I enjoy reading about your different jaunts. Can't wait to hear about NY!
Posted by: Lisa Hooke | August 06, 2007 at 08:52 PM